again

My heart beats at a steady pass. My breath comes as normal. My emotions show that I'm not happy but doesn't show the truth. My thoughts scream out so many things. I can't tell them how I really feel. Inside I feel so broken and umcomplete down just terrible. Everything that's happend in my life seems to run threw my thoughts over and over. I cry alone. Act happy with them. Why can't I tell them how I really feel. Theres moments where I want to scream "This isn't me. This is a act. I'm not the girl you expect me to be. I'm hurt in so many ways. Why can't you just see that?" But never do I express how I really feel. Quoting it "I rather feel pain then nothing at all." It seems like if I didn't feel pain I wouldnt feel anything. But it breaks me down even more. It's like no one has a heart anymore or as if they think I don't have feelings. Which I do.  All the teasing hurts really bad. They make me feel worth less and like I mean nothing. Urgh ! I just feel so blah. Life is so unfair. 


p/s : Dont blame the takdir. Trying so hard to be cool. But deep down inside, it's killing me slowly. I wish i had someone to talk to, who does not judge me THE WAY I AM. 
-cermin pecah, 20:09 pm-